Army Regulation 670-1, “Wear and Appearance of Army Uniforms and Insignia,” states “While in uniform, personnel will not place their hands in their pockets, except momentarily to place or retrieve objects.” But screw all that.
It’s the new (to us) “I’m in the Army, but my hands are in my pockets anyways,” Facebook group that’s been celebrating the pocket insurrection since March. Its 11,000-plus likers are discussing the rebellion, and they’re posting photos of soldiers, hands defiantly sheltered in the warm embrace of freedom’s pants. One soldier writes:
670-1 also dictates that you may place your hands in your pockets during “inclement weather”, but that didn’t stop a SGM for chewing my ass one day in the pouring rain for it. Even after I cited the regulation, his response was “I don’t play those games”.
And then there are the favorite hands in pocket excuses, which range from the mundane — “Trying to find my keys” — to the ridiculous — “Playing with my fiddle faddle” — to the uniquely feminine — “‘i was just looking for a tampon’. And argument ceases” to the suicidally honest — “hiding the middle finger that would like to show itself to you” or for that matter, “looking for my 9 line card….cause ur bout to need it for asking.”
The site has become a place to entertain oneself with goofy questions like “What do you carry in your pockets besides your hands.” Favorite answer: “My hopes and dreams. Too bad they all fit in my pockets.” And inevitably to hawk T-shirts, pins and other such schwag on Zazzle. Feel free to buy this one for me in men’s large. Thank you in advance.